Who dat?

Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.

What's an apostropher?

I am.

Yeah, but what does it mean?

apostrophe \uh-POS-truh-fee\ n. (Rhet.) A direct address to an absent or imaginary person or to a personified abstraction, especially as a digression in the course of a speech or composition.

apostropher \uh-POS-truh-fur\ n. One who makes apostrophes. No plural form.

Also, apparently in French, it is a verb that means "to shout at rudely." Sometimes that works too.

So how does the punctuation mark apostrophe figure into this?

Conceptually, not at all. But I like the way they look.

Um, okay. What about that crux of the biscuit stuff?

Oh, right. That's explained here.

Who are you anyway?

Don't know why it would matter to you really, but I'm a 37-year-old technical writer living in Durham, NC, and working in Chapel Hill. Those handsome fellows in my lap in the pictures below are apostropher v2.0 and v2.1, respectively.

But what's your name?

Russ Barnes. We are legion.

Why do you hate our government so much?

I don't. I think it is one of the grandest, most noble experiments in human political history, but has been hijacked by a band of evil lunatics bent on world domination.

Isn't that a little hyperbolic?

Maybe the first part.