It's gettin' hot in here...

...but only at the Pole.

Something is internally heating up Saturn's moon Enceladus enough to send water vapor through cracks in the frozen surface (the blue "tiger stripes" in this amazing picture - hi-res anti-dialup version here) and form a tenuous water vapor atmosphere - but only at the South Pole, and nobody can say why. No known mechanism would allow a body that small to generate this much heat internally. Enceladus is only the third body in the solar system (after Earth and Jupiter's moon Io) to be "directly observed in the throes of geologic activity reshaping their surfaces." The next (and final) close encounter with the moon won't occur until 2008. (via Matt McIrvin)

Global visions.

It takes a while to load all the pictures, some of them don't load, and some that do are just filler. All the same, World Processors contains some very, very cool globe-shaped visualizations of the world. (via jwz)

I'm taking my ball and going home.

Or not.

Lowell Crowder, 47, lost one of his testicles at the age of 19. After he lost his other testicle while he was locked up at the Solano County jail he sued the jail. Crowder settled his lawsuit against the county earlier this month after agreeing to a $200,000 payment and an agreement by the county to pay for more than $40,000 in medical bills.

Crowder was arrested in Vallejo in May 2003 for driving under the influence and for possessing marijuana for sale. His arrest came 10 days after he had gone to a local emergency room because his testicle had suddenly swollen up to the size of a baseball. Doctors gave Crowder a regimen of antibiotics but when he was arrested those pills were no longer available.

Crowder claims he told jailers of his problem when he was initially taken into custody. He also claims he repeatedly talked to jail staff about his intense pain and his need to see a doctor. Jail staff dispute Crowder's claims but staff and Crowder both agree he was first seen by a doctor June 6. The doctor prescribed more antibiotics but the lapse in medication may have aggravated the infection. Crowder's remaining testicle was removed a week later.

I can see how that might make you a little testy.

Planet #10

As much as twice as big as Pluto and three times as far from the Sun, say hello to the temporarily named 2003 UB313.

The object is inclined by a whopping 45 degrees to the main plane of the solar system, where most of the other planets orbit. That's why it eluded discovery: nobody was looking there until now, Brown said. Some astronomers view it as a Kuiper Belt object and not a planet. The Kuiper Belt is a region of frozen objects beyond Neptune. Pluto is called a Kuiper Belt object by many astronomers. Brown himself has argued in the past for Pluto's demotion from planet status, because of its diminutive size and eccentric and inclined orbit. But today he struck a different note.

"Pluto has been a planet for so long that the world is comfortable with that," Brown said in the teleconference. "It seems to me a logical extension that anything bigger than Pluto and farther out is a planet." Offering additional justification, Brown said 2003 UB313 appears to be surfaced with methane ice, as is Pluto. That's not the case with other large Kuiper Belt objects, however. "This object is in a class very much like Pluto," he said.

NASA effectively endorsed the idea in an official statement that referred to 2003 UB313 as the 10th planet. [...] Alan Stern, of the Southwest Research Institute and leader of NASA's New Horizons mission to Pluto, predicted in the early 1990s that there would be 1,000 Plutos out there. He has also contended, based on computer modeling, that there should be Mars-sized worlds hidden in the far corners of our solar system and even possibly other worlds as large as Earth. In a telephone interview after Friday's announcement, Stern, who was not involved in the discovery, said he stands by those predictions and expects Mars-sized objects to be found within decades.

Fascinating. I vote we call it Morrigan.

He's number one!

Ladies and gentlemen, the man who promised to restore dignity to the White House.

Update: It's a thumb. Funny picture, though.

Prize prose, please.

San Jose State's annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction awards for purposefully bad writing (named for Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the 19th century author who coined the opening phrase "It was a dark and stormy night...") were handed out yesterday, and the grand prize went to Dan McKay of Fargo, North Dakota for the following passage:

As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.

Wow. Makes me think of Shakespeare.
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the lamps
That grace the front of my Toyota's hood.
If truth be told, her breasts are carb'retors;
If hairs be wires, her black-wired head then could
But be a distributor cap.

Other selected prizewinners:

• Patricia wrote out the phrase 'It was a dark and stormy night' exactly seventy-two times, which was the same number of times she stabbed her now quickly-rotting husband, and the same number of pages she ripped out of 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt to scatter around the room -- not because she was obsessive compulsive, or had any sentimental attachment to the number seventy-two, but because she'd always wanted to give those quacks at CSI a hard time.
• After months of pent-up emotions like a caffeine-addict trying to kick the habit, Cathy finally let the tears come, at first dripping sporadically like an old clogged percolator, then increasing slowly like a 10-cup coffeemaker with an automatic drip, and eventually pouring out and noisily wailing like a cappuccino maker complete with slurping froth.
• After she realized the man she had fallen in love with was her long lost twin brother and they must break up immediately, they shared one last kiss that left a bitter yet sweet taste in her mouth--kind of like throwing up after eating a junior mint.
• The rising sun crawled over the ridge and slithered across the hot barren terrain into every nook and cranny like grease on a Denny's grill in the morning rush, but only until eleven o'clock when they switch to the lunch menu.
• As soon as Sherriff Russell heard Bradshaw say, "This town ain't big enough for the both of us," he inadvertantly visualized a tiny chalk-line circle with a town sign that said 'population 1,' and the two of them both trying to stand inside of it rather ineffectively, leaning this way and that, trying to keep their balance without stepping outside of the line, and that was why he was smiling when Bradshaw shot him.
• For the fifteenth time that evening my narcoleptic lover opened his eyes, smiled at me, and said, "Good morning!"

And my personal favorite:

Wet leaves stuck to the spinning wagon wheels like feathers to a freshly tarred heretic, reminding those who watched them of the endless movement of the leafy earth-or so they would have, if only those fifteenth-century onlookers had believed that the earth actually rotated, which they didn't, which is why it was heretical to say that it did-and which is the reason why the wagon held a freshly tarred heretic in the first place.

The story evolves.

So it turns out the Brazilian who was shot and killed in the London Subway by British police after being mistaken for a terrorist wasn't wearing a bulky coat (it was a jean jacket) and didn't jump a ticket barrier when confronted by police (undercover, not uniformed officers, and armed, it should be noted). Those were the two details being offered as evidence by the "shoot first, ask questions never" crowd filling the comments here. That leaves the fact that he was seen exiting a house that was under surveillance. Of course, he was an electrician—a profession that by necessity makes house calls—and I've yet to see definitively whether the house was a single-family home or a house split into multiple flats as is common in downtown London, but I'm sure that won't stop the fevered victim-blaming.

Fembot

I think we all know where this is probably headed.

A few things.

Oh my.

Haiti disappeared from the news almost immediately after our coup, but what's happening there isn't pretty.

The Wolves Cycle

Zarqawi releases greatest hits album.

White suburban kids: here's a contest just for you.

Little things.

You become an adult, you grow all world-weary, and you lose the sense of magic that the simplest discoveries once produced. Until you have children of your own.

A few weeks back, the extended family spent a vacation down at Froz's folks' place at Hilton Head Island and Noah, blissfully unjaded at a ripe old six months of age, discovered that the arm rests on the couch had slip covers that came off when you pulled them. When I say that this produced wide-eyed, gape-mouthed amazement, followed by hours of full-bore, gasping, infant laughter at every new instance of slip cover removal, I'm not exaggerating for effect.

I still remember being three, maybe four years old, crouching behind doors, endlessly amused by flicking the boingy, spring-style stoppers. Man, do I miss that feeling.

Ya pays yer money, ya takes yer chances!

I love love love creaky, rusted, state fair thrill rides operated by tattooed ex-cons. You know, the ones that have the scare factor magnified by threatening to come apart at any moment (I mean the ride, not the carny, though I guess it works there, too). However, this would pretty much suck.

They don't call it dope for nothing.

"A Texas man was arrested on Monday after calling police to complain about the theft of his marijuana. [...] Police are looking for the suspects. In the meantime, they arrested Knight after finding several marijuana plants growing under heat lamps in the apartment, four grams of harvested marijuana and a tablet of ecstasy."

Questions are inevitably raised.

Is it still a grasshopper if it lives in trees?

"Mr Kumar, of Gunduppalavadi in Tamil Nadu, started experimenting with live fish after successfully ejecting peas and corn through his nose."

Who wouldn't fall for such a clever trick?

Nothing says class like a "Chicken Soup Makes Me Poop" ringtone. And they have wallpapers.

Mmmm... meat.

Updating the Ms. Wheelchair America scandal, the dust has settled and you may all now greet your new tiara-headed overlord.

Random great octopus photo.

The geography-defying Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim just signed their top pick from the June draft, an 18-year-old with a 97 mph fastball who is the grandson of Bozo the Clown.

US military intelligence believe the Sunni insurgency in Iraq is now being run by Saddam's much less popular cousin, Gallagher Hussein.

Mother of the Year candidate #2

Today's featured contestant hails from Golden, Colorado.

A woman who told police she wanted to be a "cool mom" pleaded guilty to sexual assault charges Monday for having sex with high school boys at parties where authorities said she supplied drugs and alcohol. Authorities say Silvia Johnson, 40, had sex with five boys at the parties for her daughter's classmates. She pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor counts of sexual assault and nine felony counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. As part of a plea agreement, prosecutors dropped two counts of distribution of methamphetamine.

Previous nominees.

Wash those bad thoughts away.

New Salad Fingers! Episode Six.

And if you're in the mood, a faster loading mirror of the previous episodes.

Relocation

Sean Carroll is putting Preposterous Universe on indefinite hiatus and will be lending his abilities to a new group physics blog called Cosmic Variance, which promises much mind-bending goodness.

Swamped

Still too busy to get much blogging done. For now, this is the post you should read.

Clicks

I'd buy this beer just for the commercial. Aww yeah.

All in favor, say eye. All opposed, say neigh.

Parisian murals by 10 troï syl20.

Another unfortunate mugshot.

The Bellringer.

New research suggests it may be four billion years since the last time Mars had any free-standing bodies of water.

Derailroaded: Inside the Mind of Larry "Wild Man" Fischer.

The collapse of the Larsen B ice shelf in Antarctica has uncovered an bizarre ecosystem nobody knew existed, a cold vent system of "knee-high mud volcanoes, snowy microbial mats and flourishing clam communities." It could be a decent model for ecosystems under the frozen surfaces of Saturn's and Jupiter's moons. Unfortunately, the uncovering may mean we don't have much time to study it.

Mmmm, donuts.

I spent waaaay too much time wandering around cmart.design.ru.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming, already in progress.

[sigh]

Yep, that's a terrible headline, alright.

Since I'm going to Hell anyway.

(Big project with tight deadline at work) + (sick baby at home) = (available time for posting)^-10.

However, I would be remiss if I didn't point you toward Special Singles Online. Yes, special in that sense of the word and yes, I feel more than a little guilty about doing this but honestly, come on. Good taste and decorum is really asking too much of me here. Really though, it's not so much the ones like that (or this) as it is the more esoteric entries, which I've excerpted in the extended entry. I should warn you that the webmaster of the site seems to have a disability that causes him to replace every instance of the letters c-o-m in a row with strings of asterisks of varying lengths. Sometimes paragraph length. Also, the text under the 'Appearance' sections of the personals seems originally to have been in response to an altogether different question, presumably "what you have learned from your disability." You've been warned.

Men Seeking Women

Kerry: "I'm 35 years old and living on ssi for 13 years 'cause when I was a landscaper I injured my back and got a little permanent damage. It was only six rotated disks but for some reason it doesnt go away. With the muscle the cause I think I got "nuked" with uranium and its a big government cover up."

Steinhan205 has chest hair and clean nails, and likes "white voluptous or buxom women shorter than me with big bottom or big chest." Fair enough.

No real clue as to what JT's disability is, since he'll "finish this up later." Judging by the picture, though, I suspect he's just cruising for amputees.

Juanie believes in Jesus and love and "I also have a fetish for ladies who like to be feminate, you know ladies who like to wear pantyhose and heels."

Ryan isn't so good with the counting, but he likes to read: "my 3 favorite books are: GOD GUNS AND ROCK ROLL by TED ugent(autobiography of Ted Nugent),KILL IT AND GRILL IT(COOKBOOK BY TED NUGENT)."

Carlos has a Caps Lock disability: "IM A GOD MAN , MY HOBBIES ARE MY CHURCH , EXERCICE, MY DAUGHTERS , KATHERINE 12 AND KIMBERLY 10 THEY LIVE WITH ME, I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH, HER MOM LEFT WITH ANOTHER MAN AN SHE NEVER CAME BACK, GOD IS OUR LOVE HE ALWAS ARE WITH US .WE MOVE FOR HIM ."

Bill2085: "My disorder is a bit strange and its difficult to explain. Its called tmau or trimethylaminuria. Rather than explain it all here (because its a bit technical) just ask me about it or do a search on it and you can read about it." I did, and dude, I am sorry. That would really suck.

Delroy's women "must enjoy sitting quietly, watching a movie or a wild evening." Guess that pretty much covers all the bases.

But the winner in this category: "the head shrinks call me schizoaffective they claim this is a disability i dont share that beleif oh i do beleive there diagnosis schizoaffective is correct however i am just simply a little different pyscologically than the so called normal person if there even is such a thing as a normal person in this world still wonderin bout that one to simply put my my mental situation i receive get and just have many things so called normal people dont get in life {some cool s--t too}! were as i get cool stuff they dont i do lose out on only just some stuff these so called normal people get if there even is such thing as normal people in this world still wonder still skeptical is everyone unique psychologically in they own way well i beleive so i take no dope from no head shrinks no mo i use the holy annointing oil as did jesus keneh besem i vaporize on a regular basis i use keneh besem religiously and medicinally you can too but whatever just looking for freinds for now but would like to get a bit serious if we hit it off will update this profile thing later check back some othertime if ive caught your interest"

Women Seeking Men

If you like challenges, I'd recommend Kehven: "I am practically a shut-in and suffer from Depression, Borderline Personality, Agoraphobia, mild Schizophrenia, Panic/Anxiety, and possibly Bi-Polar. I am currently not on medication or treatment." Somehow I doubt that's actually her picture.

Charlene has the same Caps Lock disability as Carlos: "I LOVE READ CHRISTAIN BOOK ALSO MY BIBLE TOO I LOVE GO FISHING DO ALOT CROCHET TOO ALSO DOING SEW TOO I WORKING OUTSIDE IN MY GARDEN AND MY FLOWER TOO" And fellas, in case you were worried: "I CAN TALK ENGLISH REAL WELL"

Irisheyes has crazyeyes, and audthorn needs somebody to set her straight.

Luluraai is looking for "thru friends" and says she's "thrustworthy."

While the rest of the ladies may be just as special, they aren't nearly as funny, so the list is short. I tried to do the other combinations, but with only four MisoMs and one FisoF, the material simply wasn't there. Anyhow, expect posting to be light through the weekend, so please use this as an open thread for links you think I'd enjoy. That's right. Dance for me, monkeys.

Amen.

The one post the jingosphere should have to read.

Bull's-eye!

Ouch.

Good morning.

Rubber Johnny defies description. You'll need your sound turned on. Probably not safe for work, but not for any easily articulated reason.

Holy mother of God, they cut off her head!

Interesting site about sideshow "oddities", including short bios and explanations of the underlying medical conditions. Bonus: this picture from Kenny Easterday's wedding day.

That's one pretty impressive treehouse.

Enlightenment freaks me out a little.

No objection, your honor.

May it please the court...

It was a rather unusual moment in Miami-Dade County bond court this morning when a woman waiting to approach the judge bared all. Nicole Babb stripped off her clothes, raised her hands in the air and then got down on all fours as those in court looked on. Eventually, bailiffs approached her, covered her and escorted her away. Babb's bond was set at $5,000. She is accused of identity theft.

The bailiffs look pretty amused in the last picture.

Stuff

"Astronomers have detected a planet outside our solar system with not one, but three suns, a finding that challenges astronomers' theories of planetary formation."

Swank post-it note Elvis.

As a follow-up to the creepiest website ever from a couple days ago, Becky Carter apparently specializes in just that very style. When I scroll up and down on this page, I get this weird sensation that they're going to eat me. (via boingboing)

Focus on the Family Uncovers Homosexual Agenda in the Bible—Denounces God

Now that is one unfortunate mugshot.

Unhelpful Clues Given by Jan-Michael Vincent During an October 1983 Taping of The New $25,000 Pyramid Where the Category to Be Guessed Was "Things You Do at a Party"

"...my thing was not the same as before."

This story from Myanmar (formerly Burma) seems even less plausible than the Zimbabwean athlete's story, but it's entertaining enough to quote anyhow.

Chicken-seller Thin Sandarin had always dreamt of being a man. When she inexplicably grew a penis last month, the 21-year-old treated it as an awe-inspiring omen - as have the thousands of stunned villagers who have travelled to a pagoda to see him.

"On the morning of the full moon day of June 21, I noticed my thing (sex organ) was not the same as before," Thin Sandar, who now goes by the male name Than Sein, said on Wednesday. "And my breasts disappeared. So I called out and showed it all to my mom and dad. It was very strange."

Experts have examined him, and he awaits test results from a women's hospital.

Oooookay.

Mother of the Year

Nominee #1 comes from Bartlesville, Oklahoma.

A woman has been arrested on child neglect charges after giving birth while drunk, police said. Melissa Irene Tanner, 37, is accused of having a blood alcohol content close to three times the legal limit when she gave birth to a baby girl on June 30. She is being held in jail with bail set at $30,000 and the baby has been placed in foster care.

The baby was not breathing upon birth and had to be administered a medication to counteract any narcotics that may have been present in the child's system. After an emergency procedure by hospital staff, the child started breathing.

Tanner reportedly has six other children. According to a July 11 probable cause affidavit filed in the case, Tanner told police she and another person had consumed a case of beer.

A case of beer? A case? "Hey, these contractions are getting closer together. We better start shotgunning those sonsabitches, 'cause we gotta get to the hospital eventually."

It's Salmacis' fault.

Hmm.

A judge in Zimbabwe is to deliver his verdict in the case of a leading youth athlete, who is accused of being a male while competing in female events. Samukeliso Sithole, 18, won seven gold medals in women's competitions in 2004. The athlete claims to be a woman, but was found to be a hermaphrodite - with both male and female sex organs.

Okay, that could make lots of things confusing, yes. And sure enough...

Samukeliso Sithole was initially released while awaiting trial earlier this year because the court could not decide whether to remand the athlete in a men's or women's prison.

Competing in teen athletic events under a false gender is an imprisonable offense? Oh right, Zimbabwe. Never mind.

Sithole claims that her male organs became enlarged after a traditional healer took revenge on her when she failed to settle a bill for treatment last year.

So that's what keeps making my male organs enlarge. Man, that traditional healer sure gets up early in the morning.

Update: Well well, apparently he's not a hermaphrodite after all. Or that's one very talented traditional healer.

Sithole told the court at his first appearance that he had both female and male organs and that he lived as a woman after consulting a traditional healer. A medical examination showed that he was a man.

Sithole was sentenced to four years, with credit for six months served for "charges of impersonation and offending the dignity of a woman athlete who undressed in his presence." His medals were for running and the triple jump, by the way, and he also competed in the shot put and javelin.

Quotes of the Day

"The ability to behave in a socially appropriate way was assessed by asking 71 participants to eat a chicken's foot under conditions of high or low social pressure."

"I'd like to introduce you to Dr. Destructo, who has some very interesting research in the promising field of alternate-universe stem-cells. Granted, in the alternate universe humans are only six inches tall and have five genders, but it saves embryos."

"First up is Captain Dr. Mike, whose talent number involves a sequel to his super wingnutty letter to the president of UNC about how it wasn't fair that Dr. Mike got criticized in his performance evaluation for not being a team player, because, after all, he was accused of trying to kill a colleague."

"But let me point out some other less obvious reasons why anus surgery sucks."

Bluff called.

Nearly literate, homophobic, wingnut tough guy Steve Crager proves to be nothing but a blowhard and a coward. [link updated to the single page version -'r] Nobody is surprised.

In the extremely unlikely event that Crager accepts the "Nashville Compromise" and waddles out from behind the safety of his computer, I'll definitely be making the trip to Tennessee to witness the beatdown in person.

Update: So, after neutral third parties arranged for a location, referee, doctor, round trip airfare for Mr. Crager, as well as a cash appearance fee, here is his "final word":

Mr. Michael Cortese apparently has accepted this compromise as a chance to uphold his composure and prove his mettle.

Hey, Dalai Lama, spare us the flowery lawyer-speak, okay? Go back and read the comment before yours again. If the chickenshit wants to "prove his mettle", he can show his ugly ass up on my doorstep. Period, end, stop. He wants some - he can come get some. And that's my final word on the subject.

Put simply, "I have no intention of backing up my bluster and will hide in my security-gated apartment complex instead." Congratulations, sir. You have just earned a permanent spot in The Museum of Internet Laughingstocks. Please say hello to Ghyslain Raza, the Tron Guy, and that Peter Pan fellow. Of course, you'll have to mosey over to the Courage of Their Convictions wing to find their exhibits, but I hear it isn't far from your quickly growing wing:

Again, my sincerest congratulations on your new celebrity status. If, by some chance, you've happened across this page and are considering inviting me to fly to Dallas, allow me to quote from that great American war film, Stripes: "Lighten up, Francis."

Update 2: The moral of the story.

Can't we all just get along . . . in Esperanto?

Bit of a dustup going on around Tokyo's governor right now.

A group of teachers and translators in Japan on Wednesday sued Tokyo's outspoken nationalist governor for allegedly calling French a "failed international language," a news report said.

Twenty-one people filed the lawsuit at the Tokyo District Court, demanding that Tokyo Gov. Shintaro Ishihara pay a total of 10.5 million yen (US$94,600) compensation for insulting the French language in remarks last October, national broadcaster NHK said. In their suit, the plaintiffs accused Ishihara of saying: "French is a failed international language because it cannot be used to count numbers."

[...]

In French, some numbers can be unwieldy to say, such as 90, which translates as "four-twenty-ten." Japan's counting system can also be tricky. Adopted from Chinese, the Japanese numeric system ignores the western system of classifying large numbers every three digits. Though one thousand is the same, 30,000 would translate as "three-10,000," 4 million would be "400-10,000" and 4 billion would be "40-100 million." Counting one pencil or one bottle of beer ("ippon") in Japanese differs from counting one sheet of paper ("ichimai") or one book ("issatsu").

Ishihara, one of Japan's most popular politicians, is known for his blunt nationalist talk, criticism of illegal immigrants and unapologetic view of the Japanese wartime military's atrocities in Asia. His remarks often rile Chinese and Korean residents in Japan.

The lawsuit may be sillier than Ishihara's remarks, but not by much. Aside from the tricky numbering schemes in both languages, there's another basic problem with his analysis: French is spoken in 35 countries (second only to English), while Japanese is spoken in, um, one.

FYI

Ever wonder why the voices in your head telling you to kill the neighbors are always male voices? Here comes the science.

Creepiest. Website. Ever.

My skin might never stop crawling. The description from Screenhead:

Angels With Attitude is an online beauty contest where the entrants are very young girls, the majority of which have been Photoshopped so extremely in hopes of making them more "angelic" they resemble some sort of gelph creature you'd find in a Dungeons and Dragons monster manual between the Jon Bennett Ramsey and Kathy Lee Gifford entrees. We avoided including an image from the site, as the true willies are achieved by seeing them in aggregate.

Eeesh.

Update: Hmmm, the page disappeared from faithweb's servers. I guess they didn't care for the reaction it was getting. However (da da da dum da dum!), it was all still in my browser cache, so as a service to you, my faithful readers, I present the cached copy of the page, minus the banner ads and cookies.

Love your job.

You know the feeling. (via waxy)

If you think education is expensive...

...try ignorance.

Ribbit

"Experiments in Galvanism is the culmination of studio and gallery experiments in which a miniature computer is implanted into the dead body of a frog specimen. Akin to Damien Hirst's bodies in formaldehyde, the frog is suspended in clear liquid contained in a glass cube, with a blue ethernet cable leading into its splayed abdomen. The computer stores a website that enables users to trigger physical movement in the corpse: the resulting movement can be seen in gallery, and through a live streaming webcamera."

Be sure to watch the movie. (via jwz)

We will call them anti-Dubyas.

Humans with monkey brains? Hail to the chief and a cult of personality. Monkeys with human brains? Ethical dilemma.

Scientists have been warned that their latest experiments may accidently produce monkeys with brains more human than animal. In cutting-edge experiments, scientists have injected human brain cells into monkey fetuses to study the effects. Critics argue that if these fetuses are allowed to develop into self-aware subjects, science will be thrown into an ethical nightmare.

An eminent committee of American scientists will call for restrictions into the research, saying the outcome of such studies cannot be predicted and may in fact produce subjects with a 'super-animal' intelligence. The high-powered committee of animal behaviourists, lawyers, philosophers, bio-ethicists and neuro-scientists was established four years ago to examine the growing numbers of human/monkey experiments. These procedures, known as 'human-primate chimeras', involve the combination of human and monkey cells, tissue and DNA to observe any effect and examine the possibility that such combination could actually exist.

Okay, I can see the problem, but I'm way more disturbed by this.

(via Monkeys in the News)

Not the Spice Channel

Before stumbling across these retro TBN recipe cards, even I might have found the phrase "Mrs. Pat Robertson's Love Waffles" sufficiently beyond the boundaries of good taste to have avoided using it. But since she claims 'em, mm-mmm Dede, I'm gonna need a double serving of your Self Control Chili. If you know what I mean.

Also, Randy Travis makes a boring squash casserole.

Hello again.

Just returned from vacation today. Barely watched TV, didn't see the internet at all. Some time ago, I fell out of the habit of reading novels, so I mostly spent the week doing just that, while watching alligators skim lazily across the top of the pond behind the house. In the middle (of the week, not the pond), the baby gets afflicted with the pinkeye (conjunctivitis if you're nasty). Kinda unpleasant to look at, but easy enough to cure in a couple of days with eyedrops. However, to get the $6.77 bottle of Tobramycin drops, we have to go to the local Urgent Care doctor so he can look at him and go, "Yep. That's pinkeye. You need Tobramycin drops. Here's a piece of paper I signed, that'll be a hundred and five bucks, thanks."

Now, I can't make any rational connection between the two, but I'll note nonetheless that after we started putting the drops in Noah's eyes—quite against his will thankyouverymuch—he didn't take a crap for three days and toward the end of that time was pretty goddamned displeased about the entire situation. Also, there were four other kids there ranging from four to eleven so, y'know, I've had quieter vacations. Still, beats workin'. Stuff I missed while out:

The lady is all class.

How to start an orgy.

Tony Pierce's 100 Greatest American Men - Col. Sanders at 79!

Mix-and-match faces.

First one ever?

The murdering, kidnapping fellow they caught in that Idaho Denny's? He had a blog.

Only eighteen and a half years left until we're all riding fuel cell-powered unicycles.

This is Sam, a 3-time World's Ugliest Dog winner.

Also, I hear we managed to hit a comet and a bunch of bombs went off in London. As for the latter, yes it's tragic, but it's always a good idea to put it in perspective and unfortunately, we should probably prepare for plenty more of it.

Get ready for teh ugly.

"This is to inform you of my decision to retire from my position as an associate justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, effective upon the nomination and confirmation of my successor. It has been a great privilege indeed to have served as a member of the court for 24 terms. I will leave it with enormous respect for the integrity of the court and its role under our constitutional structure." - Sandra Day O'Connor

Bush replacing Rehnquist wouldn't have much changed the makeup of the court. O'Connor is often a swing vote, though, and the religious right has been quite open about what they expect: a hard-line anti-abortion nominee. If Bush goes that route, prepare for the mother of all nasty nomination battles.

Once a Tarheel, always a Tarheel.

I know the minutiae of the NBA draft will make most of my readers' eyes glaze over, but this is pretty funny.

George Karl and Julius Hodge already disagree about minutes. Not much of a surprise, considering one man is a Tar Heel and the other a member of the Wolfpack. Karl, the Denver Nuggets' head coach who played at North Carolina, doesn't plan on giving a rookie any significant playing time next season. Hodge, the N.C. State graduate who Kiki Vandeweghe selected with the No. 20 pick in Tuesday's NBA Draft, expects to contribute right away.

"Coach Karl, I'm not going to hold it against him being a North Carolina guy," Hodge said. "I played four years of college basketball, I'm young at 21, but I'm definitely experienced. I'm NBA ready."

The Nuggets, who went 32-8 after Karl took over in January, believe they are ready to contend for a Northwest Division title and a top-three seed in the Western Conference playoffs. Which explains why they used the rest of the draft to stockpile players with little experience but plenty of "potential." [...]

"I don't think we would have picked a Duke guy," Karl said when asked about acquiring a player from N.C. State. "They're a second-class citizen of the ACC. We accept that they do develop players once in a while and have good teams."

On Tobacco Road, old allegiances do not die. In case you've ever wondered why Duke-hating is such a widely popular national pastime, here's the Anti-Duke Manifesto.

Off

This afternoon, I'm making the long drive down to Hilton Head Island for a spell of getting drunk and watching alligators so no apostrophizing from me for the next week or so. Froz has been threatening to start posting here again (yay!) now that he and his family are all settled into their new home and new routines, but I've no clue whether that will commence before I return. I know the comments are still returning 500-type errors when you post them. Sorry 'bout that, but my hosting company is lame (and soon to be replaced). If you refresh the main page, they should still show up.

Anyhow, no parties in the house while I'm gone and stay out of the wine cabinet or you'll be grounded when I get back.