Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.
Yes, hello. I'm calling about my fifteen minutes of fame. I'm finding them unsatisfactory and would like to trade them in for a more dignified fifteen minutes, please.
Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was spotted acting suspiciously in his car by police near Nobbys Beach in Australia. When police approached him, they suspected he might be armed, so they drew their weapons. When he saw the officers, Weatherley pulled away and led police on a 20kph chase which lasted up to ten minutes.
Okay, first: a 12 miles per hour chase took ten minutes to end? That strikes me as odd, though not nearly so odd as where the article goes next.
When he finally stopped the vehicle, he refused to exit the car, and officers used batons and spray to remove him. They found him with a 750ml pasta jar around his penis. While they were trying to restrain him, Weatherley continued to pleasure "himself in between bouts of wrestling". Police found a number of items in the car, including pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier. [...] He said he resisted police because he was trying to make himself "decent".
Huh. I suppose the home-made sex aid was something other than the pasta jar. At least the terrier part makes sense.
I've said this before, but I ask you, if a terrier, pron, a woman's stocking, and pleasuring ourselves with a bottle of warm pasta is a felony then aren't we all felons?
Posted by: Tripp at November 20, 2008 10:58 AMI have to wonder: At what point did the officers stop to check the volume of the pasta jar? "Hey, Dan-O, how many mililiters is that jar? Better put that in the report."
Posted by: Gaijin Biker at November 21, 2008 01:54 AMKJ,
Sigh. You youngsters with your pre-cooked ready-made foods. In my day we had to actually boil water and add the pasta ourselves. You know, real cave-man DIY stuff. We didn't have no fleshlights, no sirree.
Nowadays it is all like microwave-ready heat-n-eat pop-the-top-and-dig-in "I've never seen boiled pasta in a jar at WalMart so where did he get it" stuff.
Now get off my lawn!
Posted by: Tripp at November 21, 2008 10:22 AM