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Now this is one doctor's visit you'd hate to make.

Doctors treating a 14 year old boy from India were shocked to find a 2cm long fish had "slipped" up his penis and into his bladder. The patient, who was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period, gave an interesting explanation. Details of the case, which was documented in The Internet Journal of Urology, have revealed that the patient claimed that the fish "slipped" into his penis while he was maintaining his aquarium.

The paper's authors, Professor G Vezhaventhan and Professor R Jeyaraman, wrote: "While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms."

Here's the journal article, in case you (understandably) doubted the story. Surprisingly, nobody seems to quite believe the kid's version of how the ninja/gymnast fish got all up in his business, sorta like when I slipped in the shower and had to go to the emergency room to get the shampoo bottle removed from my colon. Hey, sometimes you just land funny, you filthy-minded skeptics, and shampoo bottles ought to have flared bases as a matter of course. Really, you'd think OSHA would be all over that already, but I guess George Bush just doesn't care about black people my rectal integrity. But I digress. What amuses me most about this article is that I found it in the online version of a magazine called Practical Fishkeeping. Umm, yeah. For some secondary definition of "practical," I suppose.

On a loosely related tangent, be sure to buy real, American-made cock rings and penis pumps from American stores, as the Food and Drug Administration can and will seize cheap Mexican ones at the border if they lack instructions for use and proper warnings. I'm sure that's not an issue for any readers here, because we're all patriots. However, if you misplaced your instruction booklet for your genuine American penis pump, the FDA does have a handy troubleshooting (ahem) guide on its website.