Dear Jesus: your agonizing death is our cute toy!

For the first time ever I think I kinda understand the Muslim prohibition on "artistic" depictions of the Prophet.

Damn, he is risen.

Look at him rise!!!

Um... the second one has a penis.

@Mr. B: Wait, the existence of the little baby jesus butt-plug hasn't done that for you already?

5: And how.

7: I take it, then, Apo, that your penis is smaller than that?

Depends on how much I inflate it.

Balloon of ages, blown for me
Let me float along with thee...

Depends on how much I inflate it.

Nothing beats inflatio.

Bring to me the sick, and I will helium.

I may just be hungry, but that cross in the second photo looks like a series of hot dogs to, and the chest/abs on the last one make me want to eat some Mike & Ikes.

Someone needs to do a Balloon Testament for those not reached by the Brick Testament.

Bring to me the sick, and I will helium.

Ha!

i hate jesus

Just regular Jesus though, right? Because Balloon Jesus is kinda awesome.

Which helium-filled savior is supposed to have a cock? All I saw was loincloths. I guess you see what you want to see though.

joel, that was the funniest, evar!

Um... the second one has a penis.

Are you implying that that's anatomically incorrect?

18: The second one.

Dob: that would be the second picture, where he's carrying the cross.

Re #2: A cross filled with air or helium can't weigh that much to merit all the hunched-overness and grimacing. Thus I surmise that Jesus is either a wimp or a drama queen.

Since I can't look at the images (NSFW much? :-P ) I'll just have to ask here--are you one of the comment's on B's blog that they're denouncing or did they issue another release with apo.com on it?

Bawhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! What a truly wonderful site! You made my day -- completely!!! Now, if you would make a small hole in one of Jebus' feet, he'd fly through the air just like the idiot xtians think he did! Jebus never was in the past, is not now, and will not be forever. Amen. Gladius Benedictus.

I obviously didn't spend enough work time surfing teh inarwebz. Figured out the connections. Awesome.

Congrats! Will you be framing the press release and associated images?

So when the balloon jesus moves, does he still make that gawdawful sqeaking noise? Other than plastic utensils on styrofoam, there possibly isn't anything more horrific on the ears.
Why can't he heal me of my affliction with his noises?

His penis is full of hot air that's why he's risen!

Wow, this post got frontpaged at fark.com and just look at that hit counter go.

Also, Nettie Belle the Clown does not approve of these comments.

Jesus was never a real person you people are stupid

I'm a bitch, mofo.

Photos mocking Jesus are so commonplace today that they're boring, like almost all your photos--except the last. The last photo here looks nothing like a prototypical Jesus and totally like the prototypical Muhammud in the Danish cartoons and elsewhere. Depictions of Muhammud are not boring--they inspire conservative Islamists to do violence. Why? The photo of Muhammud is insensitive, disrespectful, and intolerant. It constitutes hate speech, which should not be protected--as it is not in Europe and elsewhere. Moreover, if you even THINK of Muhammud as a human in your mind, you are committing a thought crime. However, feel free to think of the most vile and repugnant scenes concerning the man who inspired Rev. Martin Luther King to become a reverend--now THOSE scenes are protected by the 1st amendment.

Lord please forgive them

29: Aww, Nettie Belle took down her denunciation.

I'm so glad, Apo, that the nutbars prefer to comment at your place for some reason....

Indoctrinate the children before they realize that God is a lie!

The hot air balloon looks like a sundae with a Jesus topping.

So it's Jesus "Helium" Christ! Mystery solved.

what goes up must come down- second coming anyone?

IS THAT A BALLON JESUS WANG IN PIC 2!?!

That is awesome.

Did anybody else notice that the full name of the group trying to ban these bloggers from the DNC is The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights?!

Isn't that an oxymoron, particularly in this context?

Commercialized Jesus is great for popularizing the religion, with only great-to-severe damage to the message! Simply awful.

A well hung savior, and friend of the ladies.

Dawg @ 32:

Would you find that last image less offensive if you interpreted the long object with the red bits as a fishing rod? That's how I read it and assume it hearkens to the verse where Jesus spoke about taking two fishermen and turning them into "fishers of men." Take a good look at how the "earth" balloon is connected to it.

Or are you just looking for something to be offended by?

My balloon jesus kept popping everytime I tried to nail him to the cross

"What profit have we not made from this fable of Christ". Pope Leo X

Fact: Christianity, Judaism and Islam all have their doctrinal roots in the mythos of ancient Egypt. Pure mythology. No historical "Jesus" ever existed. The discovery of the Rosetta Stone exposed the fraud of the three major religious empires.

"Those three wise and goofy gods, with disciples piously pissed-off, competing with one another as their deadly doctrines inflame and engulf".- L.Edward Hughes / American Iconoclast Poet

Why is my Lord and Saviour carrying a cross o' sausages?

It was the wurst punishment the Romans could come up with. You never sausage suffering.

Also, Jesus pronounced backwards is sausage.

Now, try that same thing with the prophet Mohammed.

Try what same thing?

@41

(pet peeve) No, it is not an oxymoron because oxymoron means specifically a 2 word paradox, e.g. "cold heat" or "black light". It is definitely a paradoxical phrase tho.

dawg@32, get your filthy christian mind out of the gutter: he's holding a fishing rod.

I think they are good depictions. Not bad for balloons. I may have met the young lady standing by the tree.
I have no doubt that Jesus really existed as there are historical accounts just as for my great great grandfather. I would be more surprised if Jesus did not have a penis.

The penis in pic #2 is turning me on! Am I going to hell now?

No, that won't happen until after you die, I'm told.

Mylar! Mylar! Why hast thou forsaken me?

Thanks for the yucks! Ridiculing religious bullshit is always a good thing in my book.

I just went to look at the "Catholic League freaks" link and read Donohoe's idiocy. I'm so confused. It's the "Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights" and it's demanding that the DNC ban certain blogs because of their speech. And here I always thought speech was a civil right? What an asswipe. Go suck a crucifix, Bill.

56: Masterful.

Regarding the savior with the cock, there could be no second cumming without one!

Just a guess here... but I suspect that all of the actually balloon art and the pictures of them were done by people who sincerely believed they were paying tribute to their lord and savior etc, and NOT by folks seeking to lampoon their faith.

As it happens though, if you cant see the humor in the results of what were no doubt sincere attempts well... you are broken. please get fixed.

from the "M-7" tag on the "Fisher of Men" balloon sculpture that appears to have a "Have a Happy Rapture" card in the picture I'm guessing that was part of a contest.. probably put on by a church somewhere. While the medium isnt much suited to it clearly, a lot of skill and effort went into producing some remarkable stuff.

HOWEVER

BECAUSE the medium is really not suited to it..

yeah. the rest of us are going to laugh a bit.

at the folly of man, and pride, and to some degree lack of good sense and good artistic *taste* on the part of the sincerely devoted.

I wonder if any of these include a balloon knot?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=balloon+knot