"Doctors at Betsy Johnson Regional Hospital were able to repair his injuries" and "This man will never be whole again" are conflicting.

I don't know. If you bet ze johnson and lose, it makes sense that you'll never be the same regardless of what the doctor says.

When the topic is dicks, I'd say the lawyer is at least as qualified as the reporter to render an opinion of the subject.

Hung jury? What a ripoff!

"You're telling me a woman who's not trained and highly intoxicated was able to reach under a parka where she couldn't see, reach his penis and remove scrotum meat in one fluid motion?"

Shudder.

There doesn't seem to be a meating of the minds among the jurors.

The victim appears to have been well-hung, but not the defendant so far. I hope the jury won't keep us dangling!

"You're telling me a woman who's not trained and highly intoxicated was able to reach under a parka where she couldn't see, reach his penis and remove scrotum meat in one fluid motion?"

You can be trained in that sort of thing? Yeesh.

"Okay, now everybody pick a partner and we're going to practice."

Whoever assigned this case to "Assistant District Attorney Charles Bullock" is my new hero at that department.