Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.
The first intact male colossal squid was caught off the Antarctic coast (money quote: "calamari rings the size of tractor tires") and bees are being raptured away.
Update: The breakup of the Antarctic ice shelf is revealing new species in a formerly inaccessible ecosystem. Guess we'd better catalog them now before they all go extinct.
"colossal squid." sweet name for a species. and a band.
Posted by: matty at February 27, 2007 07:08 PMHoly apostropher that's big. I'm pretty sure this is going to give Jackmormon nightmares about tapeworm-infested colossal squid living in sewage-filled sinkholes.
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at February 27, 2007 07:21 PM"In case of Rapture, this field will be unpollinated!"
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at February 27, 2007 09:23 PMtapeworm-infested colossal squid living in sewage-filled sinkholes
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!
Posted by: apostropher at February 27, 2007 09:25 PMColossal squid don't live in sewage-filled sinkholes, silly.
Posted by: Jackmormon at February 27, 2007 10:04 PMMeanwhile, Pennsylvania beekeeper Hackenberg is working on replacing the bees he has lost. On Thursday night he was on his way to Miami, Florida, to receive a shipment of almost six million bees imported from Australia.
Hmmm... how to import 1000 kilos of pure, uncut cocaine without the authorities getting too close...
Dude! I've got it!
Posted by: Cangrejero at February 27, 2007 11:17 PM"'The results of our efforts,' Gutt added, 'will advance our ability to predict the future of our biosphere in a changing environment.'"
Translation: Please give me research money to tell you that the changing environment is fucking with the biosphere. I will then get out of the way of the fishing fleets.
Posted by: SlouchingTom at February 28, 2007 05:17 AM#9: The plan was almost perfect. Unfortunately, the tiny cocaine-filled bee panniers that Hackenberg and his accomplices used were leaky.
The bees vanished somewhere in transit in Pennsylvania.
That evening, a NORTHCOM radar surveillance aircraft picked up an "large anomalous echo" moving westward at low altitude and high speed over Michigan.
The ripple of explosions (described as "popcorn-like" or "like falling gravel") heard over Bismarck, ND, six hours later is believed to have been caused by the coked-up bees exceeding Mach 1. A number of small holes punched in walls, water towers and window shutters in the area suggest that individual were losing aerodynamic control; at such speeds, each bee would hit with the force of a 9mm pistol round.
Their current whereabouts are unknown.
Posted by: ajay at February 28, 2007 07:48 AM"Their current whereabouts are unknown"
I have a feeling that some of them will end up here.
Posted by: Cangrejero at February 28, 2007 08:21 AMColossal squid don't live in sewage-filled sinkholes, silly.
But with the breakup of the Arctic ice shelf, sewage-filled sinkhole-dwelling colossal squid (and their internal parasites) could be discovered any day now.
Posted by: at February 28, 2007 10:48 AMHasn't it occurred to anyone that schlepping the poor bees all over the country maximizes the spread of parasites and diseases? Oh well, at least the ones that live will have a super immune system.
Posted by: LarryB at March 2, 2007 03:13 PMFortunately the list of such places, and the work that researchers must to, keeps getting smaller.
Posted by: SlouchingTom at March 5, 2007 11:27 PM