Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.
"Authorities in northern New Mexico have stumbled onto what appears to be classified information from Los Alamos National Laboratory while arresting a man suspected of domestic violence and dealing methamphetamine from his mobile home."
"A Viennese man cut off his ring finger and presented the digit, still holding his wedding band, to his ex-wife after an acrimonious divorce, Austrian news agency APA reported Tuesday."
"Rock 'n' roll legend Elvis Presley ceded his crown to Nirvana lead singer Kurt Cobain on Forbes.com's list as the top-earning dead celebrity."
"A beer advert that proclaimed 'I love a good session on the Bishops Finger' has been banned. The advert for the Kentish ale in Time Out magazine, pictured a woman in a low-cut medieval costume sitting on a bale of hay."
"His intentions may have been good, but 26-year-old Jason Sansom probably should have asked for permission before painting a Huntington bridge pink."
And finally, today's winner:
"A 44-year-old Saginaw man remains jailed today on charges of bestiality after he was seen engaged in sexual acts with a dead dog, Michigan State Police troopers said. Ronald Kuch was arrested after police searched the area of Midland and Carter roads Friday for a man who ran away from a Bay County Animal Control officer. The entire incident was within view of a nearby day care center. [...] State troopers searched the area and found the man hiding in the attic of a nearby house. Officers determined that the house belonged to the man's girlfriend and later learned that the dog, a black Labrador retriever, also belonged to the girlfriend. The dog had been dead for four or five days."
I don't think you can really call that bestiality, as bestiality is defined as a sexual act with an animal, whereas this was a sexual act with a carcass. So although necro-bestiality is the obvious choice for a term defining the act, I find it just a little too tidy. I prefer to think of this as an act of vandalism since the carcass is really the private property of his (soon-to-be-ex) girlfriend. Or perhaps this is some sort of Maplethorpe-ian Found Art...?
Posted by: Mr. Sticky at October 25, 2006 07:12 PM"No way, officer, I wasn't fuckin' no dead dog! That thing was still twitchin', I swear!"
Also, this is kind of amusing:
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at October 25, 2006 07:18 PMSo although necro-bestiality is the obvious choice for a term defining the act, I find it just a little too tidy.
How about "masturbation with props"?
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at October 25, 2006 07:23 PMAs unusual as it might be, in my experience, to be the Voice of Reason (or the Clarion Call of our Higher Purpose)
But:
I would like to address this woman, whose former husband presented a severed digit with the ring intact: clearly, according to my limited understanding of the situation, she made the right decision in bringing the suit.
I mean...
HE CUT HIS F*CK*NG FINGER OFF!!!!
This is not Mark Foley, Republican congressman, seducing boys; that's within bounds. Speaker of the House Hastert can keep it under wraps.
Republican Senator Rick Santorum, populariser of "man on dog sex", might be able to keep a lid on those chuckleheads at Los Alamos. But...
HE CUT HIS F*CK*NG FINGER OFF!!!!
This has to stop. Today.
Posted by: Theophrastus Bombastus von Hoehenheim den Sidste at October 25, 2006 10:41 PMBut, maybe he's a really talented painter . . .
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at October 25, 2006 10:51 PMCobain? Presley? I would have thought the top earning dead celebrity would be Jesus. Think of all those offerings.
Posted by: Charles Watkins at October 26, 2006 01:29 AM"Rock 'n' roll legend Elvis Presley ceded his crown to Nirvana lead singer Kurt Cobain on Forbes.com's list as the top-earning dead celebrity."
That's it. The Apocalypse is nigh. I'm moving off to my compound in Montana to await the end of the world.
Posted by: Jon at October 26, 2006 08:44 AMFWIW, here's the top ten list:
Kurt Cobain
Elvis Presley
Charles Schulz
John Lennon
Albert Einstein
Andy Warhol
Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
Ray Charles
Marilyn Monroe
Johnny Cash
Where's Tupac? Does this mean he's not really dead?
Posted by: bored statistician at October 26, 2006 10:03 AMI heard something on the radio about Tupac's newest CD. It's selling like crazy. There's like 19 CD's since he died.
Posted by: darling at October 27, 2006 05:19 PM