Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.
Go ahead, brush your teeth with cake frosting! Gargle with Mountain Dew! Play hockey! It's all good!
TrackBackCanadian scientists said they have created the first device able to re-grow teeth and bones. The researchers at the University of Alberta in Edmonton filed patents earlier this month in the United States for the tool based on low-intensity pulsed ultrasound technology after testing it on a dozen dental patients in Canada.
"Right now, we plan to use it to fix fractured or diseased teeth, as well as asymmetric jawbones, but it may also help hockey players or children who had their tooth knocked out," Jie Chen, an engineering professor and nano-circuit design expert, told AFP.
Chen helped create the tiny ultrasound machine that gently massages gums and stimulates tooth growth from the root once inserted into a person's mouth, mounted on braces or a removable plastic crown. The wireless device, smaller than a pea, must be activated for 20 minutes each day for four months to stimulate growth, he said. It can also stimulate jawbone growth to fix a person's crooked smile and may eventually allow people to grow taller by stimulating bone growth, Chen said.
This could be really popular among furries and vampires.
Posted by: Clownæsthesiologist at June 29, 2006 03:31 PMI think it would be simpler and more effective to just start fluoridating crystal meth.
Or maybe they could add yet another stripe to Total toothpaste:
Mom: "We need a fluoride toothpaste!"Posted by: M/tch M/lls at June 29, 2006 03:41 PMDaughter: "But I want a breath freshener!"
Dad: "GIMME THAT FUCKIN' TUBE YOU STUPID WHORES!!!"
Seriously, does that mean you can regrow missing teeth? Or heal cavities instead of filling them? Because that's going to be really, really excellent if true.
Posted by: LizardBreath at June 29, 2006 06:54 PMNo, LB, this does not give you license to go on a meth bender.
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at June 29, 2006 10:00 PMNo, LB, this does not give you license to go on a meth bender.
It'd probably improve my workplace efficiency. I've thought of trying to develop a meth addiction as a route to professional success, but I've never been organized enough to buy drugs. Maybe I should just go to a shrink and drug-seek some Ritalin.
Posted by: LizardBreath at June 30, 2006 10:13 AMCan't you just get some Ritalin from one of your desperate housewife friends?
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at June 30, 2006 10:17 AMMy Mom is actually wearing one on her foot, for 10 hrs, every 24 hrs. It's not the size of a pea like the ones for teeth but it is a bone stimulator which fits right under her big boot cast and makes an irritating clicking noise (which is apparantly at a frequency *i* can hear, but neither her nor my dad can).
Posted by: cheerylilgoth at June 30, 2006 11:50 AMSo, what all can we use it for? Because I totally want horns.
Posted by: Robust McManlyPants at June 30, 2006 12:55 PMYeah, but they'd be hell on dress shirts. On the other hand, I almost never wear a hat.
Posted by: Robust McManlyPants at June 30, 2006 01:04 PMSo, what all can we use it for? Because I totally want horns.
Yeah, weird little horns like the billionaire in Love and Rockets.
Posted by: LizardBreath at June 30, 2006 01:07 PMI was thinking more like the classical devil horns, slightly rounded for safety? But whatever works.
Posted by: Robust McManlyPants at June 30, 2006 01:18 PMYeah, but they'd be hell on dress shirts.
You could just have your shirts custom-tailored.
Or were you talking about other people's dress shirts? 'Cause that's a feature, not a bug.
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at June 30, 2006 01:21 PMYou make a convincing argument with that...
Posted by: Robust McManlyPants at June 30, 2006 01:26 PMOf course someone's probably going to want to use the technology to achieve this.
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at June 30, 2006 01:31 PMYou know it. The sisterhood's picking up the tab, even.
Posted by: bitchphd at June 30, 2006 09:19 PMBut see bitchphd, I'm pretty sure (I read it in a book somewhere) that said that while you may consciously think you want a toothy hoo hoo, what you really want, way down in your subconscious, is a penis. And that type of surgery has a longer track record. Just sayin'.
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at July 1, 2006 09:31 AMFreud thought everyone wanted a penis. After all, he was a man, so typically self-centered.
Anyway, I can get cock pretty much anytime I want.
Posted by: bitchphd at July 2, 2006 02:52 PMApo, I think you should use this technology to add buck teeth to your thick southern drawl.
Posted by: M/tch M/lls at July 10, 2006 10:49 AM