In sickness and in health.

AIIYEEEEEE!

The Nicetown man said he had been sleeping peacefully in the couple's bed Tuesday night when his wife pounced on him without warning, grabbed his groin, dug her manicured fingernails in and flayed him, leaving his gore-slicked gonads dangling much lower than normal.

"She didn't use no weapon - this was just sheer brute strength and fingernails. She grabbed me by my [scrotum] and ripped it apart with her bare hands," Randolph said yesterday from his hospital bed at Albert Einstein Medical Center, where he was in stable condition with stitched and bandaged genitals.

Wait, it gets worse.

Howard Randolph said his wife tore "everything out of the sac and all the skin away." Just the thought triggers most men to hunch over and wince, but Randolph said he felt "fine" yesterday thanks to the morphine that doctors administered. [...]

"She'll probably blame her mental illness," he said. "She's bipolar, and she doesn't take her meds." But he says this is the third time she's physically assaulted him, and he's had enough. In 2003, she threw a metal chair at him while he was recovering from heart surgery, he said.

Yeah, sounds like it's time to call it quits, Howard. (via)