Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.
Boy, you really have to hate it when your fifteen minutes of fame are for this.
A 63-year-old man is charged with sexual gratification with an animal for allegedly having sex with calves. Harold G. Hart, of Neillsville [WI], allegedly told police that he routinely stopped at a Greenwood farm, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Marshfield or Neillsville. [...] Hart told police he had sex with heifers before he went into the service in 1963 and resumed about a year ago at the farm. He admitted to using a rope to tie calves around the neck and estimated he had been to the farm "at least 50 times," according to the complaint.
Yes, plenty embarrassing to end up in the national news for that, but this is the sentence that cracks me up: "He told police he never had sex with animals while maintaining a relationship with a girlfriend or his wife." Because as everybody knows, banging cows ain't weird if you're single.
TrackBackWhat ever happened to good ol' fashioned masturbation?
Posted by: Steph at February 28, 2005 02:45 PM
Just me and the Pygmy pony, and my girlfriend Clara
And did you notice it's not just about cows with this guy, it's about young cows? Is there a word for this combination of pedophilia and bestiality? I'd google it but I'm afraid of what I'd find.
Posted by: Mitch Mills at February 28, 2005 10:12 PMI'd imagine (and you'll have to trust me that this is totally based on imagination) that an adult cow would be really hard to control, and quite, ahem, spacious.
But my real point for commenting was to crow that a local R bigwig who writes (wrote?) Limboesque columns in the local paper was caught, um, pleasuring himself in a mall parking lot next to a minivan load of kids.
The Mom returned and got his license number. The cops investigated. He admits to what he did, but claims he didn't know the kids were parked next to him.
Whew, some people got issues, big issues.
Posted by: Tripp at March 1, 2005 10:09 AMNot to mention that for anybody shorter than, say, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, adult cows would present certain, uh, access problems. Tripp, you must provide me a link for the (Re)public(an)masturbator. You know I live for things like that.
Posted by: apostropher at March 1, 2005 10:26 AMHmmm, maybe you two should write an "Idiot's Guide to Cowfucking", or something like that.
Posted by: Mitch Mills at March 1, 2005 10:39 AMApostropher, ain't you never heard of milking stools? The good ones have three legs for maximum stability.
Posted by: peter snees at March 1, 2005 10:40 AMI kind of thought so, what with your elite blue-state values and all.
Posted by: peter snees at March 1, 2005 10:48 AMI'm a city mouse too, but in college a pre-vetinary student friend of mine took me along for some artificial insemination of a cow.
Think shoulder-length gloves.
The back end of a cow is not a pretty sight!
Posted by: Tripp at March 1, 2005 03:51 PMOh - regarding the parking lot perve, so far it is grapevine only, but I've got my ears on.
Posted by: Tripp at March 1, 2005 03:53 PM"Parking lot Perve"
I can't get to the details of the news article because I don't subscribe, but here is what I have so far.
This is the guy's website: http://www.notsorandomthoughts.com/
Here is the start of a local news article: http://news.postbulletin.com/newsmanager/templates/?a=212431&z=0
Posted by: Tripp at March 1, 2005 04:12 PMI'M FROM NEILLSVILLE AND I USED TO GO TO THE SAME STRIP CLUB THAT GUY DID. HE'D ALWAYS GO THERE BEFORE STOPPING OUT AT THE FARM LATER. I ALWAYS CARRY MY CB RADIO WITH ME WHERE EVER I GO. ONE NIGHT I WAS AT "THE CLUB" AND MY RADIO WENT OFF, SAYING A COUPLE OF COWS HAD ESCAPED FROM A NEARBY FARM. I RAN OUT TO TRY TO HELP CAPTURE THEM. WHEN I RAN BY THIS GUYS TRUCK I SAW ONE COW JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN THE BACK AND ANOTHER COW IN THE FRONT SEAT, BLOWING THE HORN !! WAAAA HA HA HAAAAAAAA !!!!