Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.
The list's newest entry comes from untoward.
I invented a drink. It's called The Exorcist. You go into a bar, and you say "I would like The Exorcist." And the bartender says "I don't know what that is" (because I made it up, and she probably doesn't read my livejournal) and you say "Well, I'll show you!"
You get five shots of whiskey, and five shots of water. You set them up, five whiskeys and then five waters, a straight line, and you start with the whiskey. You shoot them as quickly as you can, one after the other until you get to the first water. When you lift the water up, instead of drinking it you splash it on the bartender and you scream "IT IS THE POWER OF CHRIST THAT COMPELS YOU!" And you pick up the second water and "IT IS THE HOLY GHOST THAT COMPELS YOU!" And "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"
Until you are asked to leave.
Aww yeah. Gotta happen.
TrackBackI liked this from untoward's comments:
As a bartender i have to say, this drink bugs me a bit, so how about this one....Videodrome
line up five shots of sambucca, wait for the customer to do the first four, then grab the fifth and splash it in his face, then grab a match and light him on fire screaming: LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH!!!Rosmary's baby
Arrange five shots that are half cassis, half apricot brandy. Tell the customer that you will alternate shots. (They start)
he does a shot
Then you do a shot
he does a shot
you do a shot
and before he can do the next one, fling it in his face screaming BUT THIS ISN'T A DREAM AT ALL! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!! Then punch him about the face and neck while adding GOD ID DEAD, HAIL SATAN!!!!The Omen
Line up 5 shots of vodka and leave the customer to it. On his completion of shot #5, slice off his head with a large pain of glass.
I want a drink at your bar, man. How about just a beer?
Posted by: sillip at September 11, 2004 11:31 AMAww yeah. Gotta happen.
You really think a vanilla sniffer such as yourself could pull that off convincingly?
In all seriousness, bartenders take enough shit as it is. You should instead do this to the host of some obnoxious party you inadvertently end up at. Of course, I haven't inadvertently ended up at some obnoxious party since my wild youth of yore. And truth be told I was too much a vanilla sniffer back then to take on a dumb drunken fratboy and his inevitable backup posse.
The best alternative is probably to wait until you have a daughter of dating age and inflict this on her beaux. More fun than that hoary old "barefoot with a shotgun on the couch" routine.
Posted by: Mitch Mills at September 11, 2004 07:13 PMYou really think a vanilla sniffer such as yourself could pull that off convincingly?
No. But I can dream. Sweet, sweet, vanilla-scented dreams.
wait until you have a daughter of dating age
Well, I've got a seven-year-old son and another son arriving next January, so by the time I hit that eventuality (if ever), I suspect the joke would be utterly lost on a teenager. "I like you and all, Cassidy, but your dad is a complete weirdo."
Posted by: apostropher at September 11, 2004 09:24 PM