Salon scoops Bush's acceptance speech.

Elect me once, shame on... shame on you. Elect me-- can't get elected again.

I also want to thank a boatload of veterans with whom I have no association. Bible says the race is not always to the swift. We'll see about that. Bunch of you pointed out that if John Kerry doesn't want his record of admirable service in Vietnam to be attacked, he shouldn't have had a record in the first place. He kind of set himself up for that one by serving admirably and then testifying to the Senate about the lessons of Vietnam. You didn't see me doing that.

Then John Kerry gets himself another record by serving admirably in the Senate and there you go again. If you got a record of admirable service, folks is naturally going to attack it. Look what happened to John McCain, and he's a friend of mine. And Max Cleland, and he is not. But they had a record. So you shouldn't have any. I sure don't. Or maybe you had records, but someone kept inadvertently expunging them, so what is the point? Records threaten the security of this country.

I'm not even running on a record of my first term as president. Why should I? Would you? We should just keep it positive. So let's turn a corner, any corner, and spread the good word that America is now so much safer that terrorists could attack us at any minute, and you might be one of them.

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That's why when I travel this great country of mine telling you about its many threats, I want you to round up everybody who needs compassion. Because launching the compassion agenda comes right after finding weapons of mass destruction. Which a poll says we did, kinda. Poll says weapons of mass destruction now exist in the belief systems of our favorite voters. They're in our hearts, our minds.

It's worth sitting through the ad.