Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.
This week on Stupid Republican Tricks:
Yesterday [Chuck Bradley] set fire to almost 30 pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream to protest statements by the company's co-founder, Ben Cohen, who has publicly called President Bush a liar. The pints were taken from the Midway Corner Grocery, which Bradley owned for 21 years before he sold it to one of his sons. The protest drew an amused response from Cohen.
"What a waste of some really great ice cream," Cohen said in an e-mail statement yesterday. "I didn't think you could burn ice cream," he added.
You can ... sort of. Bradley and 20 or so people watched the pile of pints turn into a river of sweet-smelling gooey sludge.
Take that, you sweet-toothed commie bastard. All those pints he bought from you at wholesale, well, he'll just refuse to make a profit on them. How you like them apples?
Charlene Harris brought her two sons, Cheney, 2, and Jay, 4, to the protest after learning about it from a Scott County Republican Party e-mail. Harris said she was happy to bring her children to the ice cream burning, but she knows they didn't understand what was happening.
"It was kind of hard to explain to them why the ice cream was bad," she said. "We do support the president, but they like ice cream."
That's right, she named one of her kids Cheney, and she takes them to public burnings of ice cream that hates America.
TrackBackOh, but imagine the comedy potential in her raising of this child.
"Honey, Cheney's torturing the cat with a lecture on supply-side economics again!"
"Mommy, mommy, little Cheney's had a coronary...again!"
Ah, childhood. At least she wasn't named Ronald-Ann.
Posted by: Michael at July 28, 2004 03:58 PM"Mom! Cheney told me to go fuck myself!"
"Well sweetie, that's probably my fault. I never should have named you Leahy."
Posted by: apostropher at July 28, 2004 04:10 PMMy secret hope is that Cheney, regardless of gender, grows up to be a porn star.
Posted by: Michael at July 28, 2004 05:57 PMWhy do parents do this to babies? "Cute" names only get you beaten up in grade school. Don't people remember what a bunch of thugs children become in the last eight years of public school.
Burning ice cream, what a totally lame concept.
Posted by: Bryan at July 28, 2004 08:36 PMi don't remember a bunch of thirtysomething Agnews running around...maybe i'm hanging out with the wrong crowd
Posted by: wasmyth at July 29, 2004 01:43 AMBurning ice cream, eh? How did they try to put out that fire, by throwing dry kindling on it?
Posted by: Uncle Mike at July 29, 2004 11:52 AMI think they are really Cheneyed up.
But, if you had a hot enough fire, ice cream is what, water and sugar and fat? So boil off the water and the rest should burn. It does have a lot of calories.
In my opinion the best way to burn ice cream is to eat it and do some exercises.
Posted by: Tripp at July 29, 2004 11:57 AMLove this part:
Exercising those rights means customers won't find any Chunky Monkey on the Midway grocery's shelves anytime soon.
The Corner Grocery, at 301 North Winter Street, will now sell Haagen-Dazs, which Bradley views as "more American."
Posted by: lutton at July 29, 2004 02:42 PM"Well, little Cheney, we're burning that ice cream because it doesn't believe in Hell, and that made it lazy. You don't want to be a lazy little Cheney, do you?"
I love apostropher, but it makes my head spin sometimes.
Posted by: Michael at July 29, 2004 02:43 PMI'm trying to work up some crack about the scary, murderous Ether Bunny, but it's just not coming together.
Posted by: Michael at July 29, 2004 04:02 PM