This or that?

In the beginning, there was Terry Teachout's Cultural Concurrence Index. And I looked upon the questions and I felt young and uncultured. Technically I scored 58%, but that was by virtue of invalidating a fair number of questions about which I either hadn't the slightest preference or the first clue. I can be as pompous as the next guy, but asked to choose between an Eamon chair and a Noguchi table, I can only reply with a blank stare. Amardeep Singh, having a similar experience with the TTCCI, came up with his own index which I found via Adam Kotsko. Closer, but in a sense the anti-TTCCI.

So, because I have the house to myself this weekend and nothing better to do, I present the Apostrophic Alignment Index. I started to build an index that would bridge the cultural gap between the two instruments but as with so much else I start, it just went completely tangential instead. Between the two of them, they had taken most of the good questions anyhow. Knock yourself out.

1. TS Eliot or WH Auden?
2. Trotsky or Guevara?
3. Harper's or The Atlantic Monthly?
4. KISS or ABBA?
5. George Babbitt or Willy Loman?
6. Mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?
7. Hernia surgery or Ayn Rand?
8. Jerry Lee Lewis or Elvis Presley?
9. William Faulkner or Charles Dickens?
10. Parliament/Funkadelic or Marvin Gaye?
11. Anthony Burgess or Gore Vidal?
12. William Burroughs or Charles Bukowski?
13. Nick Cave or Henry Rollins?
14. Elvis Costello or Paul Simon?
15. Robertson Davies or Salman Rushdie?
16. Charles Mingus or Miles Davis?
17. The Mexican village of Poop or Canada's Dildo Island?
18. Kid Rock or Eminem?
19. Built to Spill or Modest Mouse?
20. The Exorcist or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
21. Public Enemy or NWA?
22. Franz Kafka or George Orwell?
23. Sigmund Freud or Carl Jung?
24. Martin Scorcese or Robert Altman?
25. Hamlet or Macbeth?
26. Italian wine or French wine?
27. Guinness or Corona?
28. Anton LaVey or Pat Robertson?
29. Adrienne Samen or Courtney Love?
30. Hal Hartley or Jim Jarmusch?
31. Sartre or Nietzsche?
32. Designated hitter rule or alternating possessions on jumpballs?
33. Beavis or Butthead?
34. Vasily Kandinsky or Paul Klee?
35. Bette Davis or Joan Crawford?
36. Roberto Duran or Sugar Ray Leonard?
37. Espresso or decaf?
38. Death Cab for Cutie or The Dismemberment Plan?
39. Gabriel García Márquez or Isabel Allende?
40. Bob Dylan or Dylan Thomas?
41. Van Halen Frontman: David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?
42. Thomas Pynchon or Don DeLillo?
43. Cormac McCarthy or Philip Roth?
44. Harry Partch or John Cage?
45. John Coltrane or Ornette Coleman?
46. Rare or well done?
47. Marc Chagall or Henri Matisse?
48. John Berryman or John Ashbery?
49. Pork barbecue or beef barbecue?
50. The Ramones or the Sex Pistols?

Bonus Round

1. Better mugshot: Christopher Wilson or Nick Nolte?
   
2. Better mugshot: James Brown or George Clinton?
   
3. Better moustache: Willi Chevalier or Heinz Christophel?

Scoring
1. Treat all questions as "A or B" or no answer. Exclude bonus round.
2. (Number A answers)/(Number questions answered)
3. Three unanswered questions may be replaced with Bonus Round questions.
4. If you answered B for #7, subtract 20 points.
5. If you answered B for #49, subtract 15 points.
6. If you answered B for #9, subtract 10 points.
7. If you answered B for #37, subtract 5 points.
8. If you answered B for #6, warn me before you fix me a sandwich.
9. If you answered B for #28, go back and reread the question. That one was a gimme.

Your final score means absolutely nothing.