Payable Upon Receipt

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To Earthling accounts payable manager,

Citing the successful completion of the terms of our contract dated April 30, 2004, I am submitting invoice number 427 in the amount of $4,788,541,610,284.42 for services, expenses, and travel. Please be reminded that page 413 of our contract documents clearly states that “upon completion of contracted … services, payment in full … is due upon receipt of … a(n) … ite … mized … invo… (i)ce …”

You may have noticed certain disruptions to media cycles and sleep habits during the last week. These were unfortunate side-effects of the necessary dislocations of the time-space continuum without which successful rendering of these services would have been impossible. I realize many members of your Board of Directors would have preferred not to have these disruptions, but after careful review of the contract documents (which was particularly difficult in the near lightless conditions of Earth’s mantle), a prohibition of such strategies could not be found.

After seven (7) trips into the – for lack of a better word in your limited language – “future” and (3) trips into the “past” – the third of which unfortunately resulted in the San Francisco earthquake of 1906 - I was finally able to make the calibrations to the stasis generator that apparently minimized the problems; you should have noticed improvement by Tuesday afternoon. As for why the inhabitants of the Kamchatka Peninsula will seem unable to pronounce the letter “S” for as far into the future as I was willing to trust my available technology, I am uncertain. However, the problem will be largely irrelevant within a few decades.

I must note in conclusion that the keys to the filing cabinet that you left under the doormat were NOT the correct ones, nay; they were not even the right SIZE. This caused significant delay and only by my fortunate expertise in handling large reptiles and my ability to bend a paperclip using only my tongue and teeth was catastrophe avoided.

Respectfully submitted
Froz Gobo

Postscript – Concerning your ferrets, I assure you they met their regrettable demise as a result of natural, if not rather unlikely, causes.

The following is the summary of charges for services:

Eradication of disease
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Worldwide enlightenment and sense of meaning *
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Pet-sitting dates 5/3 – 5/5
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Harmonious relationship with non-human species
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Limitless supply of food and medicine
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Invention of self-replenishing ballpoint pen
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Understanding between races and creeds
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Global climatic and hydrologic stabilization
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Elimination of root causes of strife **
$ 100,000,000,000.00
Attractive yet comfortable footwear
$ 100,000,000,000.00

TOTAL for services: $ 1,000,000,000,000.00

* Mileage may vary.
** Offer void in Eritrea, Guam, and Carlsbad County, New Mexico.

The following is the summary of charges for expenses:

Time machine and extended warranty package
$ 2,437,818,791,404.75
Miscellaneous laboratory equipment
$ 783,455,126,909.41
Massage services
$ 566,250,000,000.00
1 Magic baseball bat
$ 450,000,053.21
1 Soyuz Spacecraft and associated parts and maintenance
$ 405,250,000.00
Fusion powered eggbeater
$ 150,000,000.00
Dry-cleaning
$ 12,415,627.82
831 Cases Miller Genuine Draft Beer
$ 10,678.11
403 Oscillating fans
$ 8,251.90
Landfill Tipfees
$ 1,045.22
1 Box Johnson & Johnson brand band-aids (small)
$ 2.07

TOTAL for expenses: $ 3,788,541,603,972.49

The following is the summary of charges for travel:

5 round trip tickets, Qantas Airlines, to Sydney, New South Wales
$ 4,809.44
112 Vegemite sandwiches
$ 784.00
6 Nights at Princess Snowbird's Little Indian Village, Yokum’s Vacationland, Seneca Rocks, West Virginia.
$ 636.00
30-minute rental of 1974 Chevy Nova
$50.00
1 Skateboard
$32.49

TOTAL for travel:
$ 6,311.93

GRAND TOTAL:
$ 4,788,541,610,284.42

You may notice a few glitches in the system at first. Be mindful that the system has only recently been installed and a few bugs will obviously have to work themselves out. Nonetheless, payment in full is still due upon receipt.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Oh yeah – Remind everybody not to go outside Thursday, October 14, 2028.

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