Doggedly searching for the crux of the biscuit.
I'll turn 35 at the end of the next month, which means I can actually remember the world before video games. I recall being stunned speechless the first time I saw an Asteroids arcade game, and soon thereafter thinking my friends with then-fancy Atari and Intellivision sets were clearly blessed by a higher power that had deemed my family unworthy of such delights. I played arcade games like every other kid my age, but once they moved beyond left, right, and fire, they just became frustrating and I returned to pinball machines (which, as far as I know, are no longer being made anywhere) and never did become much of a gamer.
So I found this article in Electronic Gaming Monthly amusing - they assembled a group of 10-to-13-year-old kids to have them play and evaluate the very games that my generation found so mesmerizing. The young panel was predictably underwhelmed, but their comments were quite entertaining. The article began with the following note:
Everything written here was actually said by these kids. Really. The only change we made was to remove the more gratuitous usages of the word "gay."
The winning comment from each of the games reviewed:
Pong (1975) - "This is a lot like that game. Um, whatchamacallit—air hockey. Except worse."
DonkeyKong (1981) - "And Donkey Kong's mouth is made of pluses. Look: Plus, plus, plus, minus. They're trying to teach you math by brainwashing you."
Mattel Handheld Football (1977) - "I don't see how this has anything remotely to do with football." God, how I coveted one of these things as a fifth-grader.
Tetris (1988) - "Which button do I press to make the blocks explode?" Four kids comment about Tetris, and all of them express wonderment about a game where nothing blows up.
Super Mario Brothers (1986) - "We're not going to play any mature games, are we?"
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1983 and voted worst game of all time by EGM) - "Yeah, let's watch the [lava] lamp. It's more fun and less predictable."
Space Invaders (1978) - "I'm sure everyone who made this game is dead by now."
TrackBackI remember the first pong game I played, on a tv with wavy lines and such. Intellivision baseball was the greatest thing going. And I was pretty darn good at the handheld football game. Loved how you ran off the screen a the right and then showed up on the left. And you had to play the game in a darkish room.
Posted by: Boxman at October 18, 2003 11:53 PMI remember Pong. I think that was the last game at which I exceled, but then I was 9 - it was also the last time I could really be bothered unless I had the flu.
What I found bothering here is 10-13 is not the age rating for mature games and the fact one of the kids complained about that irritates me to no end - though not at the kids, but at their lazy parents - I know it's everyone's personal choice and right to expose their kids to whatever crap they choose in spite of the recommendation of the APA and every other informed organization not to do it - but then the rest of us have to live with those kids.
I've got a genuwine Asteroids Deluxe arcade game in my basement, along with a Pinbot pinball machine. And, yes, they still make pinball machines!
I heard an interview with the founder of Atari, and I agree with one comment - many modern games need to be tuned more. They need a better flow. If a game has that (for example, remember in breakout when you struggled and finally got the ball behind the blocks and it went bananas on its own, racking up points) then it is good even without the graphics and multiplayer stuff.
Even in Pong the hardest shot to hit was the hardest to defend.
But, I'm a guy who was THRILLED when we got a touchtone phone to replace the rotary dial. I even bought the song book for it. So what do I know?
Posted by: Tripp at October 20, 2003 12:23 PMPinbot? PINBOT? "I can see you" Pinbot, where you shoot the balls into the robot's eyes? Oh my god, if I could get back half of the quarters I fed into that machine, I would be living in semi-luxury. And if it were sitting in my basement, I would have cavefish popeyes and translucent skin from lack of exposure to sunlight.
Posted by: apostropher at October 20, 2003 02:07 PMYes, exactly! I bought it with my Grandma's inheritance, of all things. It was a modest amount. I think she would approve.
My only instructions were that it be 'suitable for children,' and if you recall the follow-on (Wife of Pinbot?) that one was very NOT suitable.
So if you are ever up in the wild North of MN, let me know, and you can play to your hearts content.
"Pinbot circuits activated"
"I am in your control"
"Partial Linkup"
"I see you"
"We control the universe"
Atari 2600 RAWKS! Yeah!
I remember how much I loved Yar's Revenge. Oh, and baseball (the kind where if you hit it over second base you get a home run) was a hoot until I beat the computer so bad I crashed the game.
Posted by: John Johnson at December 5, 2005 05:41 PM