It's Official: Size Matters

Adding to his voluminous body of scientific discoveries, which includes determining what bread is best suited for soaking up gravy and his IgNobel Prize-winning research on the best method for dunking biscuits in tea, Dr. Len Fisher has determined the algorithms for the perfect cheese sandwiches.

Dr Fisher, of the University of Bristol, revealed that to ensure optimum 'cheesiness', Cheddar should be 2.8 millimetres thick, while Caerphilly should measure 4.5 millimetres, and Blue Stilton three millimetres. Sandwiches should be made with a light spreading of butter or margarine, which enhance the aroma of the cheese.

Fear the Cheese Borg!

The study was commissioned by the British Cheese Council. For a little more rigorous examination of the science behind curdled milk, try this article in the American Chemical Society's journal Chemical & Engineering News. Among other slices of almost useful information, you will finally discover the differences between pasteurized process cheese food, pasteurized process cheese spread, pasteurized process cheese product, and imitation cheese.